Watching My Mouth!

The past few days, I have been thinking real hard. I had a revelation! I really need to make a conscious effort to watch my mouth. I am going to try really hard to eliminate swear words from my vocabulary. There are many reasons for this. I mean honestly, they don't serve a purpose. It's pointless. My roommate brought me a Christian bracelet and I can't wear that and call myself a child of God if I am cussing like a sailor. It doesn't make sense. Also my daughter is getting older and that is not the type of influence she needs to be around growing up and learning how to talk. Today during a sermon, the preacher also spoke on how the words that come out of our mouths are a representation of us and God. I am not perfect and every night I pray to be more like Christ and represent him in a good way. This is just another step towards that goal. I know it's not going to happen over night, but I am going to work hard!

Rest in Paradise BigFoot

SHAUN "BIG FOOT" "MR. EIGHTEENZ " BARLOW

I honestly was waiting to write this. Cuz I had just a lil sliver of hope that this would be a bad ass dream and I would wake up and everything would be okay. That's how delusional I am about this whole situation. I always say, Shit doesn't seem real til I see you laying in that casket and that couldn't have been true today. Damn man. Seeing you in that casket hurt me. I mean I wanted to fall to my knees and cry. I shed a few tears but I had to stay strong. I sure did cry in the shower when I got home tho. I have so many questions. They will never be answered. But I know for sure the good die young. Cuz you were a great individual. I was so blessed to have you in my life. You changed my life Shaun. You really did. I really do not have one bad thing to say about you. I hate that I am writing this. I really do. But I gotta keep all of our memories close to my heart. We have so many memories. I remember after work you used to come up to my dorm room and we would sit in the parking lot and talk about everything under the sun. Or what about the time it was like 12AM and we got kicked out of the waterfront park? LOL We had so many memories I could go on and on. But just know that you are missed and I am praying for your family. I know you are in heaven watching down on us. Thanks for the memories. I am thankful to have known you for the years that I did. I love and miss you. Watch over me please. I am going to stop now because the tears are starting to fall.

So Emotional

no tears...she is at peace now.

August 9, 1963 – February 11, 2012

Take My Dream Away

For as long as I can remember, I've been in love with basketball. I started playing competitively when I was in seventh grade & I haven't looked back since. Ever since my 8th grade year, I have started every team I have played for (except for disciplinary reasons). Basketball was my best friend. When I was sad, down, and depressed basketball understood me. Basketball didn't ask me questions or treat me differently. He accepted me for who I was. When I was in high school, someone joked and said I was going to bring Wilson (a brand of basketball) to the prom. I wish I could have LOL.

After high school, I received a basketball scholarship to play basketball for Saint Catharine College. It was only for the junior varsity team but I was still excited because I got to continue to live my dream, which was to play basketball. I had the mindset that I was gonna play a year for JV and then move up to the varsity. It didn't work out that way, and I ended up quitting the team. I started for the team and was one of the best players on the team but in retrospect I Didn't appreciate what I had.

Now that I am at Spalding University and not receiving alot of playing time, I look back and realize that at SCC I was too cocky. I was 18 years old and thought I knew everything. This has definitely been a humbling experience. Last year at Spalding, I played a total of 40 minutes the ENTIRE season. Yeah, I'm serious. It was a very difficult year mentally and emotionally for me. But I made it through even though I wanted to quit. I used to ask myself last year, why are you still here? I guess I didn't want to quit because of my love for the game.

This year, I knew it was going to be different. We have 5 seniors so I didn't think I was going to start, but through two games I have played a total of ZERO minutes. Yeah Zero. That is not a typo. It's so bad. I am literally the only person on the team who doesn't get into the game. This has taken a toll on my confidence. I used to be confident in my talent and my ability to play this game. I am not so sure anymore. I wanted to quit after the first game of the year. But my teammates talked me out of it.

People ask me all the time. Why play, if you are not playing? That is a damn good question, and one I ask myself all the time. I come across people all the time who played basketball in high school and who were fairly decent. Some played on teams that went to state and all. Out of 20 people I know who had the talent to play college ball, only 3 went to play ball. And only two of us are still playing. That is why I play. I pay because I don't want to be 36 and wondering what if. I play for the girl who wrote me on facebook who loves basketball and can't play because she has seizures. I play for my cousin who died who used to love basketball and played in high school. I play for all of these people.

Whenever I get down, I simply go to the gym and pick up a ball and shoot. Basketball takes me to another place. I used to have a dream of making it to the WNBA. I don't anymore. But after I graduate, I will still try out for a team. Why? Cause you never know. I don't want to wonder what if. I have a future post basketball, but I cannot imagine my life without basketball. So I hope to coach one day. I will always love the game for everything it has given to me. Basketball gave me hope.

Kentucky Politics = Racist

Man to be honest, I already knew Kentucky was racist. Back when I got followed in stores in the mall, back when I wore an Obama shirt on my college campus (St. Catharine) and got evil stares, back when I didn't know anything else. The shit has hit the fan man!

Personal opinions aside, everything I am stating is fact. Look it up on the Courier-Journal. Agriculture Commissioner Richie Farmer used taxpayers money ($1,576) to stay in a hotel that was a few miles away from his house.

Meanwhile, Councilwoman Judy Green is under fire for hiring her husband, & relatives for a summer cleaning job. She has clearly stated multiple times no one was NOT hired because her relatives WERE hired. The Ethics committee also stated that while no laws were broken her choices were "unethical".

Definition of unethical (princeton.edu)- not conforming to approved standards of social or professional behavior. So unethical is a loosely based definition.

In my humble opinion, Dr. Green did what any other person would have done, the same thing we as people are taught from the very foundation of our lives, to look out for our family

I know the reason Dr. Green is getting the butt of the criticism. It's simple really. It's because of her race & I dare anyone to tell me any differently.

Black Woman = Baby Mama

I have been thinking about this for a long time. If I step on a few toes so be it. It's my blog and my thoughts. I am tired of young women having babies to "keep a man". It's sickening and pathetic. If you haven't learned from the first generation of idiots that it doesn't work, why do you think you're gonna be different?

Another thing that boggles my mind, is when women say, labels don't matter. I know where his heart is. No bitch you're dumb. I know where his dick is. In another woman dumb ass. You think he's only fucking you? Negative. And y'all wonder why we (black women) are constantly leading the WORLD in new HIV infections.

I'm not "clowning" anybody. I'm just tired of seeing and hearing this bullshit. Ladies be smart and wrap it up. Stop letting these dudes play you for a fool.

Something else I was pondering. Less people than ever before are content with "shacking up" and not getting married. I'm not one to judge anyone, lets make that clear but when did the tides change? At first it was all about the big marriage and the house and kids. Now if a man is living with you for an extended period of time y'all are considered married. Huh? Really?

What do you guys think? Is marriage a necessity in this day and age? Why or why not?

Bigger Person?

To be honest, I used to be a hot head. Major Attitude. It was really bad. So bad that I once got into a fight in a basketball game, threw a ball at someone, and got arrested (didn't go to jail or get booked tho, thanks Mom =]). Honestly I feel like if i didn't change my ways, I was going to end up in jail for assault or something worse than that. Thank God I've changed.

It hasn't been all its cracked up to be though. I can't front, at times I find myself wondering if its worth it, being the bigger person. There is no reward, only personal satisfaction. But thats not even enough for me now days. Example one, the other day I was trying to comfort someone and her exact words were, "Don't fucking talk to me." The first thing I wanted to do was say, "Look her bitch I was trying to be nice and help your lil ugly ass out, but fuck you and your problems honestly!" But I just kindly smiled and walked away. There are many other examples and I could go on forever but sometimes I just wanna smack someone, flatten a tire or two, or throw a brick through a window. Hey I'm just being real. But I don't. I've changed.

I wouldn't give the Army all the credit but it did have a profound effect on my thinking. I couldn't smack or cuss out a drill sergeant. It was a prime lesson on holding my tongue "for the better". But where is better?

Not saying I'm gonna go back to being ratchet and cussing everyone out, but I think I was happier when I was that way. Even if I did stand a chance of going to jail. LOL jk.

Has anyone else ran into this problem?