whats on my mind right now

right now, its 7:44 pm on January 3rd, 2010. This is whats on my mind. I might offend some ppl but eff it its my blog. & i dont care anymore.

As mean as this may sound, in 2010 I have to learn to be more selfish. It hurts but its true. Sometimes, i sacrifice my own happiness so others can be happy. In 2010 that will not be the case. I sometimes bite my tongue cuz i dont want to hurt ppls feelings. I bite my tongue because its the "right thing to do". Says who? I mean if I told all yall what I really think and stuff yall might think I need to be institutionalized. dead ass.

This month at home has made me realize how much I need my own place, my own space. I really need it. I need my self time. The time I set aside each day for me, has been interrupted. My shower time is the only time I have to myself. Its quiet relaxing and I can talk and vent to myself. (Dont act like yall dont talk in the shower lol dead ass tho). I need that.

Im confused. I want to work hard one day, and the next I want to be lazy. Im so tired of people who say a college degree is the route to a better life. Yes, but no. When I see idiots with a 7th grade reading level who are millionaires, I wonder to myself, why them? But i cant worry about the next person I gotta be focused on me and getting me to where I need to go so i can better the life of myself and my family.

I sometimes wonder. I really think I was put on this earth to teach and to better people. At the same time, Im tired of having to worry about money, and count every dollar and budget. But the life of a teacher isnt million dollar dreams. So im conflicted. Do I switch my major and go for the money? or stay in Education and go for the people? Always get a job you like they say. Well whats good if I have a job I like, but..... man I dont even know.

Then this military thing. Im not gone even lie. Im going for stability for myself and my brothers and sisters. Honestly if it wasnt for them and my lil cousins I wouldnt even be in college. Such is the life of a role model. Lol. Im not complaining tho. I love them and wouldnt be half the person I am without them. They better me in more ways than one.

As far as I can remember the only thing that makes me happy is _____. But what happens when ____ is taking from me? It makes me humble, and more focused and driven.

Thats all my ranting for now. I could go on, but i digress.

#nowplaying Show TuFli-Come Home With Me